A Normal Weekend

The Weekend.  A glorious mythical object that always seems to be better in our imagination then it is in reality.  I always hear people planning to have “Awesome” weekends and then when they get back they always say they just “hung out” or watched some TV.  I don’t know people keep putting the word “just” in front of statements like that.  Hanging out and watching TV is awesome.  I think we expect to much from our time off and fail to recognize the amazing things that happen instead.

We’re human beings; most of us are not teenagers anymore and cannot recover from a stressful week of work at the drop of a hat.  Doing things takes planning and money and I hate both of those things to a certain extent.  I did extremely little planning for this weekend and looking back at it, I think it went extremely well.  I’ll list for you what I did and you can tell me if it was better or worse then spending 500 dollars and “partying” at a club all night.

The following is listed in no particular order:

1. Agar.io: I didn’t realize there was a big gaping whole in my life until I discovered this game.  Made to be played on your browser or on mobile devices for free, this game came drastically close to swallowing me whole this weekend.  The game is simple.  You are a small ball moving around the screen, you eat other balls to get bigger and when you are big enough you can eat other players.  Besides the fact that you can name your ball that is pretty much it.  There were times when I was playing this weekend that I was barely able to remember that I did in fact have a family.  I am also ashamed to admit that I have probably spent more time trying to come up with names for my balls then I did for my children; yes, this game does lend itself to very funny sex jokes.  My current favorite names are: Gozer, Sacrifice To Me and Oedipus Complex cause who doesn’t want to get devoured by a giant red ball called Oedipus Complex.

2. Sex: My wife’s and my sex drives move in waves.  We both have points of high and low drives.  When we are at a low point we try to be generous to the other.  This weekend I was higher and she was lower.  This mismatch (which happens in every marriage) can lead to stress and sometimes fights;  but my wife is a super-hero so what it meant for us was that we had sex once and she gave me a few blowjobs (I don’t really like that word but I cannot currently think of a different one).

3. Swimming:  I was able to take my kids swimming three times over the weekend and it was a blast.  They are finally starting to grasp the basics and are becoming increasingly brave in the water.  I think they both inherited my fear of drowning so watching them beat that fear and start paddling was wonderful.  They splashed, played games and accidentally swallowed pool water; all the staples of a good pool adventure.

4. House Work:  My wife and I are incredibly foolish people and as such we have decided to try to build a house.  To say this task adds stress to our lives can never be enough of an understatement.  This weekend we saw a good deal for some paving stone that we needed on craigslist and we bought it.  That means that I had to hand load/unload 600 sq ft/6 tons of stone onto and off of my truck.  I don’t work out nearly enough for something like that, so today I am afraid that if I fall down I will not be able to get back up.  I may need LifeAlert.

5. Mini Date: We have young kids, so getting out for long dates in the evening does not happen as frequently as we would like.  So what we do is have Mini Dates.  We put the kids down with very dire warnings of what will happen to them if they bother us (it never works), then steal away to the living room for cheap Chinese food and cheap, bubbly wine.  This week we rented the Kingsman and we laughed together as we finished the bottle of Spanish rose while watching people’s heads explode.  Awesome

There you have it, my weekend in a nutshell.  Nothing fancy, nothing planned out, but when I look back at it in retrospect I feel extremely blessed.  Life can be a ton of fun if we stop to enjoy it.  I got things done on my house, my wife filled me with pleasure and love, my kids filled me with joy and pride and I became slightly tipsy after drinking more wine than I should.  I am a very blessed person.  I hope your weekends were wonderful and that everyone’s week is off to a great start.



  1. It sounds like a wonderful weekend. P.S. From my dispatcher mind to yours, don’t ever get life alert. You’d save a lot of money by just attaching a string to your cell phone and wearing it like a necklace so that you can call 911 directly. Life alert takes you around your ass to get to your elbow. 😂😂😂😂 (just FYI)

      • haha, right! I’ve had callers push their life alert buttons and then call 911 and half way through the 911 call they’ll tell me to hold on because life alert is answering them…UMMM..no ma’am, I’m going to need you to stay on the phone with me considering the fact that life alert is just going to hang up with you and call me right back to tell me the exact thing you just told them. Lol It’s comical!

      • I didn’t think they did free delivery on groceries? We sometimes use their primepantry but we still go to the store for the fresh items. I think of grocery shopping as family time because we usually go together. (It’s probably to make sure I stick to the list…)

      • For fresh items we do something different. We use Amazon for day to day household items. Sticking to the list is hard, especially if I find myself inside of a target.

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