Well Marbled Me!

It has been an interesting week.  On Tuesday I had to go to the Dentist.  I hate the dentist.  I don’t believe Dentists are bad people, but anyone that wants to drill into my face has to have some kind of sadistic problem, don’t they?  Anyway, I hadn’t been in around eight years and my wife finally convinced me to do the right thing and let them practice their evil work on my beautiful face.  It was nothing major, just some cleaning and replacing of fillings that had fallen out.  But, again, I’m super scared of Dentists so they had to do the whole sedation thing.  It was interesting, I was not totally out, but I slept most of the time and I couldn’t have cared less what was happening.  Considering they kept me out for around five hours, that is impressive.  I couldn’t be bothered to open my eyes most of the time so I usually just imagined what they were doing and for the most part it felt like they were building some kind of Erector set in my mouth. I didn’t know how much stuff they could fit in there, but it sure seemed like a lot; I guess I have a big mouth, har har.  So the next day I went back up to work on the house I’m building; one of my goals for the day was to dig a trench for one of the utilities.  It wasn’t very far or very deep but it took me All Day!  I had to jackhammer an inch of rock at a time and jackhammers are heavy.

When I quit America and left the Army six years ago I was in pretty good shape.  Then I took my first desk job and they sat me down right next to a free Mountain Dew dispenser and within walking distance of a cafeteria where I could get Eggs Benedict for $3.50. My life after that was something like a the inflation of a Hot Air Balloon; it seemed like I was taking forever to fatten up, but if you stopped and watched, you could see it happen.

I’ve leveled out since then and I now like to refer to myself as “well marbled” or “muscularly plump”.  Either way, I’m not in the best shape of my life but I can do things when I need to.  All that to say, I was so tired when I got home yesterday that I had to sit down and cry in the shower for a good half-hour before I could face the world with any dignity again.  I worked all day, really hard and all that I accomplished was a small little scar in the dirt.  I’ve dug a lot of trenches and fox holes and pits in the ground and it always amazes me, in the end, how beat I am and how little earth I’ve moved.

Dirt is stupid.  I wish the world was made up of re-grow-able pockets of marshmallow.  Maybe there could be small pockets of tacos here and there with rivers of Mountain Dew, Dr Pepper and wine flowing all over the place.  We would all live in caves in the ground that we ate ourselves.

Anyway, just the random musings of someone who has had way too much drugs in their system this week.  I hope you are all having a great week!


  1. I used to be terrified of the dentist but now I have one that is actually a good friend of mine. Took my mother to see her after not seeing the dentist for 22 years! Not sure how she got away with one root canal, one filling and NO gum issues. At 74 mind you! Lucky woman! I get it tho! I’ve been there. Made me laugh out loud 🙂

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